The path of 25-30

It's funny how talking to someone can open your eyes to a struggle you have had and how realization can hit like a slap in the face, but in a good way. How that talk reminds you that you are not alone that others before you have gone through this and can help you catch your breath and sigh a massive sigh of relief.

My story although maybe disjointed started about the 25 kilo loss mark..... I started a downward mindset spiral. My weight maintained and I lost the will to exercise and eat right I didn't know why and I was struggling to get back onboard the train. I may still be struggling but the words are coming out right. But finding a goal to work towards sure helps me put those words into actions and seeing the scales move brings back the motivation. It's saying no when you really want to say yes, and saying yes when you really want to say no that helps which sounds easy but is quite hard in reality.

The feeling that I am changing as a person not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. Realizing that those who love and support me are seeing all these changes and are still here even when I feel lost it sometimes feels suffocating rather than helping. Trying to find that link/connection again feels like hard work until you get to a space and time that you realize that nothing has changed its just a feeling you have. Those people are just waiting for you to catch up. That feeling of being out of control passes. That feeling that you are heading for depression should not be overlooked as you may be but again it may pass and when your mind catches up to your emotions and helps you sort and process things again then your body starts to let go of the weight again and you can focus on your goals and that happy place resurfaces.

 I stupidly thought I wasn't doing well that I was failing and nothing anyone said sunk in. I felt a failure and so bad habits started forming again and I was eating the wrong things, no wonder I maintained rather than continued loosing. But I forgot the 25 kilo I had already donated to the universe was nothing to sneeze at, it was a massive achievement. Talking today and realizing my start weight was 110.7 kilo and I am almost at 30 kilo gone, that is a massive life change, I may not be at my goal or ideal weight but I am a lot closer than I was in January when I started this amazing change. That's 30 freakin' kilo.........how could I not see that I only have 6 more kilo to go till I reach goal one!!!  I had got so bogged down in the total number I had to lose and forget I was am almost there.

 I think at some point in this journey we start to open ourselves up and we get scared about doing it, we allow people to see us as we see us or maybe that is we start to see what others have been seeing and saying and it becomes scary that we think people see us changing but we are really developing into more confident beings and that is so OK it's scary.

So today I had hubby & wife time, I worked therapeutically in the garden and then went to watch a bad movie, that's another story, I went prepared food wise, came home hungry but feeling good, made a semi ok choice for dinner and decided to write this hoping a special friend who I think is feeling a bit like this as well will open herself up and come to the same realization she is awesome and is doing great! You have lost a lot of weight, but not yourself. Stop defining yourself as a total number to lose and instead start living the life you would not have had if you had not started this lifestyle change.

And of course to my other special friend thank you for making me see this I love you like another sister, well that's not totally true as I have such pure respect for you and I love the person you are and the person you make me see of myself.

(edited as iPad apparently doesnt do carriage returns and this as one paragraph just looked silly)